Don't forget, i love you
by Fae 206
Summary: Kuon's life has finally been turning out well. He's the actor representing Japan, he's married to Kyoko and has two children, he's on good terms with his parents and he's being targeted by some old American enemies. When a night spent with Kuu ends with an ambush and the death of Kuon, that life is over but what if Kuon is alive, will Kyoko be able to find him? 1st person POV
1. Prologue - The Fight

**AN:** So this fic will have three POV for each chapter but I really wanted to include Kuu's POV. This has similarities to a really old fic that I rewrote a couple of times but it's also a different story. I'm also starting to work on a system that will allow me to update all of my thirty? Forty? Skip Beat fics with special attention placed on 'No Loose Ends'. Anyway, hope you enjoy this.

 **Don't forget, i love you**

 **Prologue: The Fight**

Wow, this walk is a lot different than I remember but maybe that's the problem with spending so much time away from the country in which I was born and raised. I hate to admit it but I've become an old man. There are some benefits to that though. The man I'm walking with through these dark streets is the most famous actor in Japan and has been so for over eight years. He's also my son and a father of his own.

I am honored to be part of his family. I have a grandson that I adore, a granddaughter on the way, and a daughter in law that I love as if she were my own biological kin. I'm really very lucky to be able to spend some time with them. One thing that troubles me though is that I've noticed that at times, Kuon seems to sink into a depressive state. He tries to hide it but when it's prolonged, I want to spend some time together with him.

I move forward and tilt my head to the side as I watch him. "Kuon," I try to tell him and he nods, "We could go to one of the other restaurants that we pass. I know that I -"

"You said you had great memories of this place," Kuon tells me as he looks around and I feel guilty that the place I talked about was hidden away in this alley. It doesn't feel welcoming to me at this time. Julie and I are currently visiting for the holiday season. It's a tradition that Kuon set up that we celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve and celebrate Kyoko's birthday on Christmas Day. I have no problem with this.

"Is everything going okay with the family?" I have to ask him and he nods. Okay, so at least Kyoko and haruto are okay and the baby on the way. "Is this about not movi-"

"Kyoko's dreams are here," Kuon interrupts me and I nod. I know that it used to be Kuon's dream to work as an American actor in Hollywood but when he completely fell in love with Kyoko he did something that I should have done myself. He chose family over his career.

It doesn't take much to realize that we're not alone anymore and I see a group of men who don't look Japanese approaching the two of us. I stare at them annoyed. Either this is some kind of a hate group or I look at Kuon who seems shocked. Is there something going on that nobody know about?

"Dad, could you please phone me from the restaurant," Kuon says out of the corner of his mouth, his eyes never leaving the man in the middle of the pack who seems to be carrying a heavy iron ball on a chain. What kind of medieval weapon is that?

"Hello, Ryan" Kuon says and I stare at the gang. I'm not sure what this means but it feels like there's too many people for Kuon to take on by himself. "You _finally_ decided to buy a plane ticket. Well done. How much did that cost you?"

"You talk a big game Kuon," this Ryan character says and I am struggling to follow this. Are these people from Los Angeles? Did they actually make a trip for some ninth grade revenge on my son, "but I'm here for what you owe me."

I see that Kuon is leading the gang away from me so as not to get me wrapped up in it but I still don't understand what's happening. I want to help. I'm not some bystander who doesn't know how to fight. I've trained for movies. I'm more than capable.

I see Kuon disarm three members of the gang with ease whilst also avoiding Ryan's attacks and then my eyes catch sight of something on the roof. Is that a…this is a trap and I can't believe that Kuon hasn't realized it yet. I make my way over to him, knocking out two of the guys and Kuon looks at me.

"Dad, this doesn't involve you," he says as finally he brings Ryan to the ground and I hear a click. I try to pull Kuon out of the way but the man on the roof has aim on him and I force my way in front of Kuon to block him.

The next ten seconds moves so fast and although I am preparing myself for death, preparing myself for this being the end and for my son being saved. Something or somebody knocks me out and I lose consciousness. This isn't a gun shot is it? Shouldn't the pain be more? Maybe it was so quick that now I'm in the afterlife. I'm really sorry Julie but at least Kuon's alive. He's alive, right?


	2. Chapter 1 - In the Depths of Hell

**AN:** I hope you like this chapter. I know that people are turned off by the title of this fic but I really enjoyed writing it. I'm hopefully going to work on some of my other fics but I've been incredibly busy and on sleeping pills so thank you for your patience.

 **Chapter One – In the Depths of Hell**

It's a blur, it's nothing but a blur as I try to focus on what's going on around me. I can't get the words straight and I think it's because I'm so scared, so terrified and that I hate to admit that one option is worse than the other. Kuu and Kuon were together and there was some type of a gang attack, one of them is in the hospital and one of them is presumed dead. I hate that I am slightly hoping that my father-in-law is dead. No, I'm hoping that my husband is alive. That's the way I'm thinking of it. I have no idea how Julie is feeling.

I race to the hospital and slam my hands down on the front desk. I shouldn't have rushed off of set so quickly, my makeup is drawing attention but I can explain it. My husband is in the hospital after some attack on his life. They have to give an actress a certain break for that. Yes, I'll go in and apologize for the inconvenience because it's important to show respect but…but I shouldn't be thinking about respect right now.

My heart is jumping nervously in my chest as I try to catch my breath, "Hizuri Kuon, I need to know what happened to Hizuri Kuon," I tell the secretary desperately. Please let him be injured with a minor injury, a cut, some bruises, a broken appendage maybe. Just please let me see him.

The secretary pales before looking around, "I'm…I'm going to get the doctor, the police didn't contact you?" they ask and my heart drops in my chest. I don't think I understand what they are saying to me.

I take another deep breath in. Calm down, Kyoko. Just because they are talking about doctors and police officers it doesn't mean that Kuon is dead. You need to hold yourself together because if Kuu dies then Kuon will never forgive himself. He isn't the one who is dead. You have to remind him that Kuu-sama would want it this way, he wants Kuon to live a long and happy li-

"Hizuri-san?" the doctor says, it sounds as if he's said it a couple of times. "I'm regretful when I tell you…" he pauses and I blink hard. "May we take a walk to my office?" he asks and I nod nervously. I'm not sure what's going on but I'm scared. It seems much more tense than it has been. As I pass the office I see Julie holding onto our son. I feel as if I've been tripped and am falling off a cliff. Nothing seems to join together and Julie cuddles Haruuto closer.

The doctor tells me to sit down whilst we're in his office and I freeze, taking a look around me. Something's wrong. The darkness is…

"Hizuri-san," the doctor says and I watch him as if he's in some weird painting, it doesn't feel real. I have a suspicion of what he wants to tell me but it's not real, it's not true. "I regret to inform you and I might have to check with the police that this data is…"

"Just tell me," I whisper feeling as if I'm about to break, I take a shaky breath in before putting an arm around myself. "Kuon is dead, isn't he?" I ask and the doctor nods. I bow my head, everything inside of me feels cold and disjointed. The baby inside of me, our little girl, it feels that she's not in me anymore. I stand trying to put myself into a scene. I'm an actress and in this scene, I've been told that my husband is late for dinner and he's going to come back from the store with flowers and chocolates and an apology and a good explanation for why he made me wait for him. That's what is happening. This isn't the scene, this hospital.

No, this is just a rehearsal, it's just a story. I stand up making sure that there are no tears running down my cheeks and I stand still, I can't acknowledge this. Kuon's just late for dinner. He's late, for once he's late, it only happens once in a while but he doesn't mean it, he always tries his best to be at home for our family. I bow respectfully to the doctor, "Thank you for the information," I tell him before walking out. Neutral expression, Kyoko. All you need is a neutral expression until the director yells cut. It's just an acting test, just an acting test that you forgot that you were doing.

"Haruto," I smile to him as I come out of the office, "We're going to go home," I tell him before smiling at Julie in what I once called the perfect Tsuruga-style smile, "Thank you for taking care of him today," I tell her before looking away. I can't make eye contact with her because she's not supposed to be in the scene.

I try to place myself as an actress performing a role so that we can get home safely. It's an act. Someone is going to yell cut and Corn will run over and throw his arms around the both of us and we'll laugh and it won't be a big deal. Yes, exactly, someone _has_ to yell cut eventually.

…

…..

Why am I here? What did I do to be here in the hospital room right now and where the hell is Kuon? Why isn't anyone telling me where Kuon is? We were both there together, we were both there together. I take a deep breath in and try to figure things out. My son was with me, there was a fight, I got knocked out, there was a gun shot.

No. I _imagined_ that there was a gun shot because of all the yelling. Kuon is just in another hospital room where they are treating his wounds and he's going to bounce back and then we'll leave this hospital together. That's what is going to happen. You're all okay and you need to give a police report because of the situation.

I take another shaky breath and see Julie coming into the hospital room alone. She looks as if someone has torn out her heart. I'm okay though. It's okay. She shouldn't worry so much. I always want to wrap my arms around her so tightly when she worries. "Julies?" I ask her and she rushes towards me, throwing her arms around me and sobbing painfully into my chest. "It's okay." I try to tell her, "It's okay. It's all right. I'm here. Everything is -"

"Kuu," she says softly, her eyes filled with tears, "Please be calm whilst I say this," she tells me and I look at her. I'm not sure what she is going to say. Everything is going to be okay.

"Everything is oka-" I begin but she cuts me off.

"Kuu," she says, her voice sounding so fragile, "Kuon is dead."

I freeze. Did I hear her correctly? No, no, those words aren't what she said, my anxiety as a father was just tricking me. I've heard that parents can experience those terrors. I shake my head with a weak chuckle and Julie wraps her arms around me tighter.

"Kuu, I don't want to say the words again," she says as tears slide down her cheeks unchecked, "Kuon is dead. He's gone, Kuu. He's not coming back."

I freeze as those words seem to bounce around in my brain, I don't want to accept them. I don't want to actually acknowledge the idea that I couldn't save him, that I had the opportunity to save his life and I just didn't take it.

"This isn't funny," I whisper as I look straight ahead of me and Julie shakes her head. I freeze as it hits me. Kuon is gone. Everything that he worked for is that of a ghosts. His children will grow up with no memory of their father. His name will be an abstract of someone who once was here. He won't age a year, a month, a day again in his life. I freeze and close my eyes before hearing some uncontrolled sobbing.

"I failed him," I whisper, it's the only thing on my mind. "I'm his father. I should have protected his life with my own. I failed him."

"Nobody blames you," Julie tells me and I wish they would, it might ease the pain of losing my son, my only biological son who had a family of his own. Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children. I close my eyes as I remember holding him when he was a baby. I always loved his laugh, his giggling as he saw a new animal. I want those moments back. All of those moments. I caused this suffering, if only I could go back and save him, I'd give anything for him to be alive again.

…..

…..

I pause. Somehow I can't move my body, am I paralyzed? Is this my punishment for the afterlife, complete paralysis. Look, I'm not a saint, I can understand that someone out there might put me on the down elevator but complete paralysis!? This isn't fair. I hear a sound from the side of me but it's pitch black and even I can't figure out what is around me. Well, Dante must not have gotten it all right because if he had then, well he must have been resurrected.

At least my father is still alive. I didn't want him caught up in this crap.

Well, I guess I'm dead. I don't want to be dead nor am I attracted to the idea but this must be death. I move to my side and the pain feels like hell. That's right, Kuon, you died of a gun shot wound. I take another breath in before feeling something like an ice cold shower hitting me. Great. Hell has frozen over.

Have to make the best of it, I guess.

Hello, Satan. My name is Kuon Hizuri. My greatest accomplishment was becoming a father. I have a wonderful son, Haruto, and an unnamed daughter with my wife Kyoko. I used to go by the name Ren Tsuruga but that was for acting. Is acting a crime now? I don't know. I would apologize but I guess there's not enough time for that.

I feel my eyes closed as if I'm on some type of drug whilst the ice water pelts me.

"How does it feel that someone else has won, you half-breed monster?" I hear an unrecognizable voice speak to me with an American accent. I guess I would have to have an American voice talking to me. Very accommodating for a demon really.

"I guess I should accept that I'm dead," I tell them and there's a long pause.

"You think you're dead?" the voice says to me and I pause. Why is my mind acting so confused? Why does everything seem dark and blurry and why can't I move? Everything points to the fact that I'm already dead but this voice. I don't know, this has to be some kind of trick or a trap. I pause nervously. I'm dead, I have to be dead.

"I was shot, I'm ready to accept my fate," I tell them and hear a pause.

Then there's silence as the ice cold water seems to turn hotter. Okay, somehow this hurts my body but with all the pain I've caused in this world, this makes sense but why does it make sense? Should it make sense?

 **End of Chapter One**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

 **Thank you to** Kaname671 **and** paulgato **for their reviews**


	3. Chapter 2 - The Shadow of Kuon

**AN:** I know I just updated this fic and I will try to work on at least one more for today but I was excited to continue it so thanks for reading 😊

 **Chapter Two – The Shadow of Kuon**

I don't even have words to explain how terrified I am right now. I stare at the door, hoping and praying that this is some type of joke that the president set up to test my love skills. He used to do that. That was before Kuon and I were married but maybe he wanted to do some kind of anniversary test, maybe? I clutch tight to that precious stone he gave me as a child and I shake as I continue staring at the door.

Please, don't scare me like this, Kuon. Please. It's not fair.

You know that when I'm sad, you're the only one who can make me happy just by pulling me close and telling me that you love me. You know that every painful moment since I've met you, I've relied on you. My sweet Corn, my godly Ren, my perfectly imperfect Kuon, please don't do this to me. It's too hard to handle it.

I close my eyes, bringing a hand to my eyes as I attempt not to sob painfully. He has to come back. I don't know what I'd do without him. I feel like a child, curled up whilst sitting on the floor, holding the stone in my hands and watching with wide eyes for him to come home. Please, you have to come home Kuon. What am I going to do without you?

I continue staring at the door to our house before hearing Haruto crying. Kuon can comfort him better than I can but Kuon's not here. He'll be home soon, right? He wouldn't just abandon us? I get up and walk over to his nursery. He looks at me as he cries and I pick him up, cradling him in my arms and go towards the rocking chair. "Hi, darling," I whisper to him as I hold him to my chest.

 _He really has a loud voice. It's important that an actor can have a loud voice. Of course, he doesn't need to be an actor, maybe he'll be a singer or whatever he wants to do when he's older. I can't wait to see what he'll want to do when he's older._

I freeze as I hear that voice and look up, "Kuo-" I whisper but see that there's nobody there. I shiver. I could have sworn I heard his voice, that he was standing right in front of me. I blink. Maybe he left the room already? "Kuon?" I call out but there's nothing, silence, "C-Corn?"

Did I just imagine him being here? Hearing his voice?

If he wasn't here and that was just my mind playing tricks on me then that's too cruel. Why would I do that to myself? I close my eyes and Haruto seems to calm down a little. He wouldn't leave me, would he? "Daddy will be home soon," I tell our son. He looks so much like Corn but I can see my amber eyes staring back at me. He has medium brown hair, sort of like a mix between my black hair and Kuon's gorgeous blond hair.

 _You know, I really am happy that we decided to have children, princess. Hopefully it's not as scary as you thought it would be. You're a great mother, I just need to work on my skills as a dad. I'm still scared I'm going to screw up this little guy's life._

I feel his hand on my shoulder and place my hand over it. It's not there. How can I hear him and feel him but he's not here? He has to be here. I place Haruto back in his crib and kiss his forehead. I think it helps me that he looks like his father. If our daughter looks like her maternal grandmother then that would scare me but I think I've matured enough to handle it.

I hear a knock on the door and step out of the room.

He must not have found his key, sometimes he tosses them into the bottom of his bag and it's only after he's removed the scripts and work in there that he finds them. If he's gone on a modelling shoot he does carry a few more things. I can't remember if he's gone on a shoot today or not. Did he? If he did then that might explain why he was later. Yeah, he's working. His schedule always seems to have more on it than I can understand him having time for.

I rush forward and grab the door and….I pause and look confused as Julie stands there before me. She looks devastated and I open my mouth but take a quick peek around her. She's by herself? She walks forwards and wraps me up in a hug but I don't…I don't understand.

Where is Kuon?

"Julie-san?" I ask her and she sighs before stepping back. I look at her confused and she gently tucks some of my hair behind my ear, I didn't even know that the strands were there. I blink before turning around. "Kuon should be home soon." I tell her, "I'm not sure what's keeping him so late?"

"Kyoko…" she says slowly, "Kuon isn't coming back. I wanted to check on you, it's…I can't even begin to understand that pain that you are going through. I'm in pain myself but…he was my son, he was your husband."

I stare at her, "He's just busy. He'll be home in less than an hour. Maybe someone invited him out for a drink and he was too polite to refuse. It's happened before."

Julie stares at me before looking down. "Kyoko, Kuon is dead."

I shake my head. I know what she's telling me but it's not true. It can't be true. I refuse to believe those words. He's coming back, he wouldn't leave me.

He's the only guy who has ever loved me and whom I've loved. He's never expected more from me than for me to be myself. He's alive. He _has_ to be alive.

…

…

 _I can't believe that I'm holding my own son in my arms. He's adorable. He reached out for me and I feel his hand around my finger, he's so cute. I'm going to have to find a way to hide him away and keep him to myself. Okay, maybe that's the side of me that also wants to consume a whole steak house but he's as gorgeous as his mother. I'm really happy. I'm thrilled to be the father of this little boy._

I try to hold back the pain of that memory, the first time that I saw Kuon. It had been my idea to go to the restaurant, Kuon doesn't even like food but he was going because I wanted to. I wanted to spend some time with my son. With all the pain that he's gone through in his life, I was so happy for him when he told me he was engaged, when he told Julie and myself that we were going to have a grandchild. He worked hard to mature and forgive himself for the past.

It doesn't matter anymore because he's not here. I'm never going to see that smile on his face again when he talks about his family or that supportive grin when I get acknowledged for my own work. I don't get to hear him talk about how proud he is to be a Hizuri, my son.

My son whom I couldn't even help.

I remember getting knocked out and falling unconscious and I don't remember anything other than the gun shot. It makes sense that he's dead. It makes terribly logical sense. I'm his father, I should have been looking out for him. If I hadn't have been so weak and pathetic then I could have saved him.

He was too good for this world.

I'm a horrible person, Julie wanted to go check on Kyoko and make sure that she was okay but I couldn't go with her. It felt wrong to step inside of Kuon's house, be with his family after I was responsible for not stopping his death. I don't know how I can even begin to apologize to Kyoko for what happened.

I take deep breaths in as I look at the mirror. Some great dad. I should have given my son more in life but I selfishly thought about myself and my career. I wanted to be a famous actor, I've wanted it since I was a teen, but I lost out on so much time with him. He would be happier if he was the son of another man. He would be alive if he had a different family.

I failed him and I feel empty and dead inside. I lost one of my most important people when I could have saved him. I know how to fight so why didn't I? Why did I lose consciousness? Am I that weak? I close my eyes. I feel as if I should die, it feels cold and I would gladly suffer this coldness were I able to bring Kuon back.

But that's selfish and Kuon wouldn't forgive me were I to end my own life. No. Somebody needs to be there for his family. Haruto needs a father figure and hopefully he won't grow up learning that I'm responsible for his dad's death.

"I'm so sorry, Kuon" I whisper as I sit on the hotel bed and close my eyes, a few tears gathering. "I am so sorry for what I did to you."

…

…

The darkness doesn't seem to end but as I stare out into the nothingness, I can play the last moments of my life back in my head. I was in a fight and I was scared that my father would get hurt so I placed a strategic elbow to his back which made him lose consciousness without causing any prolonged health issues. Then I felt the gun wound to my chest, twice, and I realized that I wasn't mortal. That's when it all went black and I felt that I was falling and it's the same blackness that I'm experiencing now.

I didn't know the trip to the underworld would be so short.

I thought there would be more fire and less darkness and though the water has caused burns on my body, this isn't as terrifying as those who write about death make it out to be. Painful, of course, but not as horrific. Maybe that's to come.

I feel my back be pulled towards what feels like a metal wall and maybe it's something to do with magnets. Okay, there's some kind of magnetic field in hell now, that might be a bit too creative. Unless, I'm not…no, I'm dead. I shouldn't get my hopes up that I'm alive. I'm dead and if this is purgatory, the sooner I realize that then the ha-

I feel a shock through my body as if I'm being electrocuted.

Okay, yeah, I'm definitely dead because otherwise that would have killed me. Having an electroshock after being pounded with water, yeah, that would kill anyone. The pain though. I wish that you didn't face pain in death. I have to admit that whilst I believed that Rick went to heaven, I had never thou-

Another shock.

Maybe they can read my thoughts. They know that in life, I never really thought about a heaven and a hell. Kyoko thought about fairies so maybe she had some idea of an afterlife. I should have tried to create that kind of picturesque scenario. Is not believing in the afterlife a sin? Well, right now I'm left alone with nothing but my thou-

Another shock.

I can feel myself losing consciousness but that doesn't make sense. You can't die a second time. I feel something on my mouth, blood? Well, that's a twist. I feel my head fall forward and my brain is starting to shut down. Is this death? No. I'm already dead.

But, if I'm already dead, what in hell's name is this?

 **End of Chapter Two**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

 **Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter One**

Brennakai, Kaname671, and paulagato


	4. Chapter 3 - Realizations

**AN:** Hope you guys are enjoying this fic. It may not be popular but I actually like writing when there are fewer but (in ratio) more passionate people so thank you for giving me an audience to write for 😊

 **Chapter Three – Realizations**

I have to do this, I have to be here, standing in front of a police officer as he tells me that he loves my work. Okay, that's great….I don't care. I know how harsh that sounds. I'm supposedly a living legend for this country but my son is dead and I could have saved him. I take a deep breath in as I turn to look away from the policeman at his desk. Just stop talking about the work that Shuuhei Hozu is known for.

"I'd like to see the body," I tell him nervously. He freezes and looks away. I don't know what to say to him, isn't that request simple enough? He was my son. He lived his life knowing, at least internally, that he was my son. I have the right to request to see his corpse.

"There was very little of the body found intact," the police officer tells me and those words don't make sense. "We knew because of the DNA evidence, the fact that he was there, some of the items that were found with…"

"It was a gun shot wound," I tell him confused. Yes, sometimes a gunshot wound can be incredibly fatal – this is one of those times – but I've never heard that the body was shot so many times that it exploded. What happened after I was knocked out? "It _was_ a gun shot wound."

The officer looks at me before he sighs and shuffles through some folders. He looks at me and then closes his eyes. "Legally since you _are_ his father, I legally have to show you this if you ask for it," he tells me and I'm confused. What is he talking about? What are the documents that he's holding? "Some of these are quite horrific, as I said you have the right to see these but I suggest you don't because these are…"

"They're to do with my son, right?" I ask. I feel sick to my stomach. "Show me," I whisper and he places down the pictures from the crime scene. My eyes widen as I see that in one of the documents there is what looks like a bloody pile of meat. In another photograph there's an arm that's been detached from the body. They are wearing the same wristband that Kuon had on. I see the clothes, the corpse, and the reason I can't see the body.

I feel as if I'm being encased in ice. I can't breathe. I don't know how long I've been looking at these images but they are burned into my brain. They not only had the guts to kill my son but like a wild animal, they played with the body parts. I shiver before grabbing the trash can and throwing up.

I could have saved him. I could have saved him and I didn't.

…

…

How can a mother, any mother, just suddenly get afraid of touching her own child. Haruto has done nothing wrong. He isn't the reason why Kuon hasn't returned but he looks so much like him. Kuon will be coming back, right? I know everyone around me is saying that he's dead but…but he's coming back. He's just trying to do some research on a character or something. That doesn't explain how I'm terrified that I'll hurt Haruto from touching him.

I close my eyes as he cries and I feel the pain of not being able to help him.

He needs his father. I'm not good for him. I must be the reason why his daddy is gone but I can't even remember what I did. I must have done something wrong though. There must have been _something_ that went wrong. I hear a voice in the nursery and Haruto stops crying as I sit with my back pressed against the wall. I'm not dealing with Kuon leaving me very well. Is that it? Did he just leave us? Abandon us? Does he hate me that much?

"Don't cry my love," I hear a woman saying and I try to close my eyes. "Grandma's got you. You're such a good boy," Julie says as she tries to take care of him. He needs his father. What's going to happen to this baby in my womb if Kuon doesn't come back and take care of them? I'm only any good at parenting because of Corn.

I look up timidly as Julie brings him over to me, he reaches his little arms for me but I don't want to take him. I bow my head and shake it, my tears slipping down my cheeks. No. Kuon has to come back. He just _has_ to.

"I'm sorry," I whisper nervously, "I can't…" Julie sighs as she holds Haruto to her and gets down beside me.

"Kuon would understand you not wanting to hold him," Julie tries to comfort me and I wonder if he would. I wonder how he would be able to see me in the same way after he learned how terrible of a mother I am. I feel the tears again and Julie grabs to my hand whilst cradling Haruto with her other arm. "I miss him too, I can't even begin to tell you the pain that I have as his mother knowing that he's no longer with us," Julie sobs but she tries to stay strong for the two of us.

Still, Julie doesn't have any idea of what she's talking about. Where does she think that Kuon is? I look at her confused.

"He's going to come home, he's just busy or he got distracted or something," I try and tell her and she looks at me in shock. She bows her head and then tries to squeeze my shoulder but I get up. "Kuon _isn't_ dead," I tell her as I run my fingers through my hair again. "He loves me. He would have told me if he decided to be dead."

"Kyoko, death isn't something that one can decide," Julie tells me but she doesn't know what she's saying. Of course you don't choose death but Kuon is too strong to have let himself be killed. I look down at Haruto and shiver. Kuon loves him so much, I love him so much but I can't…I can't be good for him. I can't…it was Kuon who was supposed to be the stronger parent.

"Can you please take him away from me?" I whisper as my back hits the wall but I feel something warm against me.

 _It's okay, princess. You can calm down now, it's okay. I'm here. I had to do some work but I'm here now so it's going to be okay._

I close my eyes and I feel his arms around me, I can smell the laundry detergent mixed with his cologne. I feel the warmth as he kisses me and as I turn back around he's gone, he disappeared again. I must be going insane. This isn't like me. I'm usually so strong and definitely much smarter than this but…but what if he is here? What if something happened that we don't know about?"

I close my eyes and shiver as I hear someone else enter the house. This has to be him. It couldn't be anyone else, nobody else lives here. "Kuon!" I yell as I go for the door but it's not him…I see Father looking like a bony skeleton. No, this isn't right. Kuon is…no, Kuon came back. He would come back for me. I feel the pain wrap around me again. I'm supposed to be eating for our daughter but I can't. She's been in here for five months, Kuon was looking forward to her, he was so happy when he learned her gender but I can't focus. I don't want to lose her. Kuon will hate me if something happens to her.

Father looks at me with a pained look and opens his mouth, "Kyoko…" he says and then bows his head. I can't believe that he's started to cry now. "I'm…I'm really sorry," he tells me and I freeze. What is he talking about? What is he apologizing for? "We need to start planning the memorial service."

"Memorial service?" I ask, the words not making sense in my head. "For who?"

Father pales as he looks at Julie who is still holding Haruto, "Kuon's memorial service," he says and Julie chokes back a sob. What are they talking about? Why does everyone want to push this joke so far? It's like a cruel trick that once I fall for it people are going to jump out and yell surprise.

"Why would you do that?" I ask as I painfully hold back a choke. "Kuon's not dead. He's not dead. Father, he's….he's not dead."

Kuu looks at me and I blink, he looks so committed to this lie. "Kyoko. I saw proof that he's gone. I am so sorry. The police officer gave me this," he says and pulls out a bag with Kuon's stopped watch that he sometimes carries in his pocket. It's covered in blood.

No. They're lying. They all have to be lying. No, I don't want to believe that he's gone.

Corn came back to Japan and we found each other again despite all of our distance and different circumstances. That was the real fairytale. We were so far away from Kyoto, such different people, different ethnicities and ages and…and…we met up again and fell in love. That…no, that story doesn't end with murder.

…

…

I open my eyes again and it starts to occur to me that by my fainting and passing out, I have proven that unless you can die multiple times, I'm alive. For some sick reason, they're keeping me alive. My body feels even more drugged up and I feel ropes binding me this time. I move, no these aren't ropes. Straps. I'm sitting on a chair. My head feels cold like something. I…wood…I can't.

"It's a beauty isn't it?" I hear a voice telling me, "I mean you should have been sitting in one of these years ago. Borrowed time and all."

"Borrowed time?" I repeat feeling woozy as lights flash on. I'm not in hell but I am in some kind of a warehouse. I try and look around for clues of how to get out but I can't see anyone. "What are you?" I ask before looking down at my hands. Where am I?

Shi…I'm in a freaking electric chair? I move. Usually I'd be able to break free but it's as if my body is too heavy and my mind is too clouded. I want to see where the person is that is doing this to me but all I can see is something small and brown and…I look straight in front of me and there's a teddy bear that's styled after Charles Darwin sitting right opposite me.

Am I just hallucinating all of this.

I look to the side to see another teddy bear that looks like Abraham Lincoln and then another that looks like Akira Kurosawa?

Why the hell am I in an abandoned warehouse, strapped to an electric chair, with teddy bears all around me. Am I going to die looking at a teddy bear of Charles Darwin. As I'm trying to make sense of this new environment I can feel the shocking jolt through my body.

I really am going to die whilst looking at a teddy bear of Charles Darwin.

Talk about survival of the fittest.

I'm about to resist but the shock stops and I hear someone say, "Smile now. We all know that you love to perform in front of an audience." I freeze, who the hell are the audience? The three bears. I don't have time to think before feeling the pain of the shock once again.

 **End of Chapter Three**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

 **Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Two**

Brennakai, H-Nala, Kaname671, PaulaGaTo

 **AN2:**

To the question of supernatural vs psychological, definitely psychological. I love psychology but I'm not that good at math, I'm not bad at math but I always got Bs in high school and though I did calculus and trigonometry in high school, still B student, otherwise I would have majored in it. Otherwise, I'm glad to see that you guys are supporting me in this. It really does mean a lot, so thank you


	5. Chapter 4 - The Truth

**AN:** I know this isn't a very popular fic but it really helps me sometimes if I write something sad so thanks for being there with me 😊 Also, there won't be a Kuon perspective this chapter.

 **Chapter Four – The Truth**

I stare ahead of me. I feel such a disconnect from this world and I know that these are questions that have to be answered but I don't know what to say. They just seem so unimportant. Do I want to have flowers at the memorial service? Am I sure that I don't want a funeral where I bury the disjointed remains of my murdered son? Do I want to have multiple people give eulogies?

These aren't questions that I'm supposed to be answering. I don't even feel like eating. Ever since I saw those photographs five days ago, my stomach has felt more like rejecting food than eating and that has never happened to me to this extent. Sometimes when I close my eyes it's as if I can feel him with me.

I shiver as Boss takes a closer look at me. I know that he is worried about me. Everyone is worried about me but seeing those huge banners with pictures of both Ren and Kuon on and the message that we are celebrating his life this month haunts me. It's not going to end with this month for me. For the rest of my life, I'm going to be remembering my son and wanting him and he's not going to come. Maybe on my death bed, I'll be too old to remember his death and I'll want him and blame him for not visiting me.

If he were alive, Kuon would come to my side were I ever to request him.

Boss has some of my favorite snack foods in front of me but I am staring at them without even wanting to touch them.

"Do you have everything you need for Saturday?" Boss asks me gently and I nod. "I'll double check, put a team over there and then look it over myself if you want," he says and I look at him. I don't want to accept his offer because it feels like in doing that, I am accepting his death. No. I have to accept that he's dead, I've seen the body parts. I freeze before nodding.

"Yes. I…I want there to be a lot of nature," I whisper as I remember camping with Kuon and how he loved being out in the wilderness. I should have put my career on hold as he grew up and spent more time with him. I'm a self-centered asshole. I run my fingers through my hair again and look out at the world. It doesn't seem to be a happy place anymore. It seems dark, cold, dreary. I'm so lost. I've become so damn lost.

"There will be, Shuuhei," Boss says and I look at him and nod. It's as if I'm disconnected from reality these days. I don't even under- I can't even understand what good exists in the world any longer. I take a shaky breath and nod. I hear a buzz from my phone and try to ignore it.

What good is it anyway? It's not him, that's one person who will never call me again.

"I think I want to take a walk," I tell Boss and he looks at me nervously before nodding. He has no legal right to keep me here. I wonder if that's what he just thought. I've thought about it a lot, wanting to die, wanting to just give up but Haruto is keeping me alive. Maybe he can't have his wonderful father but he can have a grandfather who couldn't save his son.

As I leave the office, I pull out my phone. Maybe it's Julie. I have to be respectful towards her, she's feeling the same way that I feel but since Kyoko isn't coping with the loss, she's taken on the responsibility of taking care of our grandson.

As I look at my phone, I realize that it's not Julie but an unknown caller. I stare at the message. How could someone have hidden their caller ID on a text message. It's most likely a virus but I can be stupid and reckless, right? I backed up my phone yesterday because I wanted to keep all those memories of Kuon, there's nothing I could lose on here.

I open the text message. It's a link. Most definitely some kind of bug to enter my phone. I sigh. I would be stupid to go to this video but the message above it is haunting. ' _If you reveal this information, you won't like the consequences.'_ A threat? Someone is threatening me? Am I supposed to just take this lying down. My son might be dead but he might be disappointed in me if I don't at least make an attempt to fight back.

I return to Boss, "Do you have a computer that I could use? Something old. Something that would be okay if a virus got onto?" I ask and Boss nods, he tells me a room number and tells me he's giving me special access and I leave. I want to know what the hell this information is.

…

…

I sit at the computer. It's not _that_ old, LME rarely has things that are _that_ old. It's a video link and so I input it into the browser and it pulls up what looks like a video from a nanny cam. It's dark at first but then as the video plays, there is a rush of light and I see a very alive Kuon. He seems delirious, his body is covered in lacerations, burns, bruises. He looks more like a human punching bag than anything else. I look at the corner, this was taken three days ago.

I freeze. Kuon's not dead?

I don't know what emotion to have, I feel relief but as I look at him, I wonder if death would have been better for him. No. I can't start thinking negatively. He's alive and he can always get better, he can always recover.

"What is your name?" I hear a voice ask him and I see him move in bewilderment, "I asked you, what is your name? Don't you know that you've been here for days and if you don't give me the information I'm looking for it could be years before I release you."

I stare at him. His body isn't moving very much and he looks already dead but he's moving on his own, he's just captured somewhere. He opens his mouth to speak but he can't quite do it. I see a sprinkler system turn on and get directed at him. I can tell how hot that water is from the steam that's coming off of it. He writhes in pain as his body gets burned.

"Hi-Hi-Hizuri Kuon," he whispers and I want to grab the computer as if that will stop this.

"Wrong," a man laughs and I see that the wall that Kuon is bound to has an electric current and it shocks his body, giving him even more pain because of the steaming hot water.

"It's…wro—wrong, no…Hi-Hi-Hizuri K-Kuon…it's ri-right?" he asks, barely hanging in there.

The shock runs through his body again and then as his body becomes limp, the water system turns off. He twitches showing that he's still alive but he won't be able to suffer this kind of torture for long. I see the screen fade and then a date appears for tomorrow with a new link. How long ago were these videos made? I take a picture on my phone of the link.

I want to watch it again but the browser automatically resets and then there is a message saying that the video can't be found. I don't understand. The video was just here a moment ago. I had it playing on the screen right in front of me. I choke.

"Kuon," I whisper as I feel completely empty inside. I hear my phone buzz and pull it out to find another message from this unknown caller.

 _You tell anyone and he dies in the most painful way I can come up with._

They are watching me, aren't they? They know my movements. I'm no master detective but I'll do anything to save my son starting with that link for tomorrow. If I take a video of that video then I'll be able to review it and find out the clues to where the hell they are torturing my little boy.

….

….

I told myself that it would be okay to see the body and I thought that it was in a morgue somewhere. I haven't really been with it lately but I wanted to see for myself that my husband was dead. I know, an extremely morbid thing to do. I didn't realize how morbid though, not until I saw these photographs. I look at the pictures, the blood, the disjointed and mutilated body parts and I feel sick to my stomach. How can I feel such a bond with him, such a connection, if these photographs exist?

"Thank you," I whisper as I feel dead inside and I hand them to the police officer, "Thank you for allowing me to see what those monsters did to him."

I feel such anger within my heart. When we got married, I finally released my grudges and let some of the angels to come back. I no longer wanted to strangle love, I wanted to fully understand the depths of it. Kuon taught me that. He taught me that whilst it was okay to want love and want to be loved, he would be there to protect me if I wasn't sure. Love wasn't certain. I was the first woman he loved afterall.

Now he's not here and I just want to destroy the people who did this to them.

I can't do much with this little girl in my womb but I can try to figure out plans of how to get back at them for taking away the father to my children, our children. I shiver. Our children…will grow up without a father. Haruto won't have any lasting memories of him and our daughter will never get to be held by her father.

I'm so angry at the world for giving me a prince and then taking him away. Is it healthy for our daughter for me to have such an anger consuming me. This isn't as if I was taken advantage of by Shotaro, this is the murder and mutilation of my husband. Not only did they kill him but they enjoyed messing with the remains.

They are cowards. All of them.

I feel tears clouding up my eyes. I can't breathe. The world is piercing me like knives and I don't think I'll be ready for the memorial service tomorrow. I have to get out of here. I want to be with Haruto. Oh god, I've been failing him as a mother. I've been unable to hold him. Unable to help him. I should have been a better mother, Kuon would have been absolutely disgusted by me.

Kuon…

I want him back. I want him alive and holding me and I exit the police station. As I exit, I feel him looking at me and wonder if I'm dreaming. He's not hurt at all. He's just standing there as if nothing has happened. Is this a ghost? Do ghosts exist?

"Is something wrong, princess?" he asks me and I dab at my eyes.

"Are you kidding me?" I ask as I struggle to smile. Is this just a huge joke. What kind of sick twisted mind would find this at all funny? "I'm sorry. I'm really angry at you, right now." I tell him. He smiles and looks away. Is he really doing this? How did he get the police in on this joke? "How are you alive?" I ask him.

"How am I what?" he questions and I rush forwards. I wrap my arms around him and freeze.

He's slightly shorter than he used to be. His body feels different as well. I don't under…stand…I pull back and see someone else looking at me in concern and I feel my jaw drop.

How did Kuon turn into Shotaro?

 **End of Chapter Four**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

 **Thank you reviewers of Chapter Three**

Brennakai, H-Nala, Kaname671


	6. Chapter 5 - Head Aches

**AN:** Some kind of dark stuff in here but a little hope for the ending. Super sad but thank you for choosing to read.

 **Chapter Five – Head Aches**

I look at him and internally scream. I saw Kuon here and it turned out to be Shotaro. I don't know what's going on apart from I truly miss my husband and it terrifies me that he won't be here any longer. I place a hand on Sho's chest and shake my bowed head as the tears fill my eyes.

"Sorry," I tell him as he tilts his head looking at me, "You can leave. I don't really want you here."

I don't know what to do but a lot of me craves to be with Haruto.

Maybe my children will never actively remember their father but I could find ways of keeping Kuon alive with the stories that I tell them, with the objects and photographs and videos that I share with them, by having them know that their Daddy wanted to see them as they grew up before he was murdered.

It's not just death. It's not just an accident. It's a murder where they mutilated him and tore off his body parts resulting in us not even being able to respectfully bury him.

I shiver as I think of all this. I would do anything to have him back.

"Are you sure that you're going to be okay. I heard about what happened wi-" Shotaro says and I raise my head giving a broken smile, my eyes still filled with tears.

"Thank you for your concern but I'd like to be by myself," I tell him before stepping away. I don't want him to follow me and as I look back, I'm glad that he isn't. Kuon would have wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest. He would have repeated that everything was going to be okay and we would get through this together.

How am I even supposed to start getting through this alone?

…..

…..

As I return to my son's house, I'm not sure how to feel. Both Kyoko and Julie are blanketed by their grief and now here I am with information about Kuon that I'm not sure I can share. With how closely they seemed to monitor me with the video, I'm not sure how much they know about what's going on and they said that if I shared the information, bad things would befall Kuon.

As much as it feels that I'm betraying my own loved ones, I have to keep quiet. Revealing the truth might be too dangerous.

I look at Julie who is feeding Haruto. At leastmy grandson is being taken care of. I picture Kuon there, feeding him. Kuon was a really good father even if he didn't believe it and the world is worse off without him here.

"Kuu," she says as she looks at me and sees my sickened facial expression. "Are you okay?" she asks in a weak voice. I'm such an asshole for not telling her that our son is alive and in pain. He's being kept somewhere and tortured whilst Japan writes him off as deceased.

"I'm fine," I whisper as I turn from her. She looks at me sympathetically and I can see her out the corner of my eye but I have to go out. I just don't know how far away he is. How far would they take him? It was an abandoned warehouse, right? Not much furniture at all. I have to take a look at what warehouses are listed for sale or rent, which ones have been rented or bought recently. I might not be able to tell anyone but I can search for him.

"Kuu, I know that we're both hurting over Kuon. You can't deny that he was a son to both of us. If there's anything that you need, anything that I can do for you…for us" Jules tells me and I feel hurt that I can't ease her suffering, at least not yet.

I see Kyoko enter the house looking as if her spirit has been shattered. I'm a terrible person for not being able to tell _her_ the truth about Kuon. Afterall, she has only recently moved on from the first stage of grief, denial.

"Haruto," she says as she looks up at me and I pause before turning to Julie. Kyoko's eyes go towards her son and she steps forwards. "Haruto, Mommy is so sorry that she's been such a terrible mother. Come here, baby," she whispers and Julie gently passes her the little boy. Kyoko holds him close to her and he reaches for her shirt.

"Mommy's here now," she tells him as she sits down so she can pull him close. "She just misses Daddy so much," she kisses the top of his head and I feel awful that I'm keeping this from her but when I am able to bring Kuon back to them, they'll understand. Even if I end up alone, I promise that I will do all that I can to bring Kuon home.

…..

…..

After I've laid Haruto down to sleep, I look down at my phone. I've received a strange message from a withhold number and there's a link attached. I stare at the message. _If you dare to share this information, you won't like what I do to the subject material._ It's vague as hell and I'm sick of people trying to get inside my head. Just let me grieve.

I look around for a computer and see Kuon's laptop. No. It's too precious to risk losing any file system on there. There has to be another way. A new computer or tablet just for this purpose maybe. Oh. When Kuon got his new laptop, he didn't get rid of his old but he did restore it to factory settings and then put virus protection on it.

I rush to pull it out. It's unsafe to go to this link but something is compelling me not to ignore it. I go to our…my bedroom and start the laptop. Once it's booted up, I go to the web browser and type in this web address. It's dark and all I can see is that it's dated from two days ago. What is this?

I hear a voice that has a broken Japanese accent. Okay, someone sent me a horror video. I should stop watching.

The man coughs, "Tell me," he says, "Do you deserve to live, you disgusting monster?"

I hear a whip crack and silence, a dull light seems to get brighter and brighter and as I look at the video my heart freezes. Kuon? I don't understand. Kuon's dead, we saw the body parts, the police identified them as Kuon's. Unless…

"Sweetheart?" I whisper as I look at the video and see the man break the whip against his back numerous times. He's already burnt, broken, bruised, and he barely looks like he can breathe. There's so much blood. "Oh my god, Corn…" I whisper as there are tears in my eyes.

Who sent this video to me? What kind of monster sent this to me?

"Answer me!" he yells and I quickly turn the sound down on the computer. As much as it might bring his parents happiness, they had said that something more would happen to him were I to share this information. I place two fingers over my husband's body on the video.

"Nn—noo" he stutters, he sounds so weak and afraid. How much have they hurt him for him to be this way?

"Yes, you do," I argue with him. "Kuon, don't give up hope. I'll find you, my love," I tell him even though he can't hear me. I watch painfully as the man steps forwards. He's wearing a hooded trench coat and I can't even make out whether he's fat or skinny. He opens the locks for the handcuffs Kuon is wearing and pulls out a knife.

"Sweetheart, you're a skilled fighter, you can do this. Escape. Please escape," I beg but he's panting on the ground, unable to move. He's so tired and even his body is failing him. I look at the knife and see him come towards Kuon, taking the knife to his head.

I feel myself about to vomit as I see the way they scalp parts of his head, tossing what they cut off onto the ground as he tries to resist yelling in pain. They even keep some of the hair there as he looks like a ragdoll who got into an accident. I can't breathe. I want to be with him.

This isn't fair! Kuon!

I force back a loud sob as I hear the man laughing at him, taunting him for how he appears now and I want to strangle him. I'll murder him! I feel my grudges fill the room as I'm tormented by this video and it turns to black. I throw a pillow towards the bookshelf and numerous scripts hit the floor. If they kill him now then I wish they would have killed him from the beginning and not have him suffer like this. Why isn't he fighting back? Why can't he escape them?

"Kuon," I whisper as I wrap an arm around myself and a picture flashes on my phone of the damaged head, the missing patches, an aerial view of their work. It doesn't matter to me what he looks like but I'm sure it'll matter to the media. I just want him home. I want to tell him it's going to be all right but he's not here. I can't have him here with me.

…

…

My body is failing me. I don't know how it happened but I've lost my strength. Maybe it's the drugs, maybe it's the constant torture, or maybe it's the way that I've given up on life. That's what their goal was, right? To force me to give up on life. I'm on the ground but they know I can't get up and those teddy bears are still facing me. I look to the side where they have a scalpel and items that they'd use for a surgery. An experimental surgery?

I struggle to move forwards, every part of my body hurts but they've kept me on the ground. I'm damaged and broken but I'm free of my restraints. I see a jacket that someone left there. Maybe that has some kind of clue to where I am.

I force myself to crawl, acting just like the turtle that I once described Kyoko as and feel the pain through my body. I probably look as disgusting as they told me but I have to stop them from the surgery. I feel as if I'm about to black out but I have to get to the jacket. I see a street sign, how idiotic could they be? I can barely make out the numbers but I have to for my family.

I'm only holding on still for my family.

As I manage to get to the other side of the room. I freeze as I touch the pocket of the jacket and I can't believe how lucky I am. Someone left their phone here. I grab it before putting in the first number on my mind. It's hard to think, almost impossible.

Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

There is a danger that I could pass out and she won't pick up. This is my one chance to get out of here. I close my eyes and feel myself cough up a couple of blood clots. Not good. That isn't good. Finally I hear the phone call answered.

"He-Hello this is Hi-"

I look out the window and get my second piece of good luck, I can see a small train station.

"Ha—Hatsu—kaichi," I whisper before coughing painfully and hear Kyoko gasp. "Trai—n sst—a—at-io"

"Kuon?" she asks and I'm too weak to respond. "Kuon, is that you?" she asks and I cough again. There isn't time for a long conversation. "Sweetheart, how are you…calling?" she asks and I don't have time for this. I'm about to pass out from the damn pain.

"Hhha—tsu—kk-ai-cchi" I tell her again as my eyes start to close. Am I going to die tonight?

"Hatsukaichi," she repeats, "I've got it," she tells me as I surrender to the darkness. I can't hear her anymore but maybe that's enough. Maybe I've given her enough information.

 **End of Chapter Five**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

 **Thank you to reviewers of Chapter Four**

Kaname671, paulagato


	7. Chapter 6 - Is He Rescued?

**AN:** I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm going to be working on some other fics to upload all together but I do like this particular one – writing it – a lot.

 **Chapter Six – Is He Rescued?**

Kyoko has been upstairs for a while but then putting down a one-year-old for sleep isn't the easiest job in the world. I am a little worried however, I want to be close to my family but I'm kept at a distance with this secret. This secret that I can do nothing about. I see a word from Boss flash onto my screen. He's sent me a message with just one word.

Hatsukaichi

This is a place, right? I don't know why Boss would be sending this to me unless it has to do with Kuon's memorial. Kuon is alive. Does Boss know that Kuon is alive? If so then why is he not doing anything to save him. I try to juggle the possible circumstances in my head and then I see Kyoko approaching me but she draws back.

"I have to go somewhere," she says as she looks half terrified and half terrifying. "Can you watch Haruto for me? Make sure that nothing happens to him?" she asks and I nod slowly.

"Where are you going?" I ask her and she looks away and to the window.

"Nowhere….somewhere, I can't tell you," she says and I see the way that she's looking. Something has happened, there's been some new information. Wait? Does she know that Kuon is alive? It would make sense if she knew that and then…maybe she knows where he is.

"Hatsukaichi" I whisper and she stares at me as if we're both in some horror movie. She looks away nervously trying to shrug the word off but it seems unnatural.

"Why do you say that? It's a random place to say," she tells me, her voice sounding a little quicker and I stare at her. There _is_ something about that place. I look back at the warehouses that I was researching, one of those is located right by the train station. I was going to check it out by myself but maybe the answers are there. "I have to go," she says quickly, "There's nothing about Hatsukaichi."

I hear my phone buzz again and read that someone else from LME has contacted me. 'I'm sending some guys'. My heart is beating faster and I grab Kyoko's arm. "We're going out," I tell her and she stares at me. She opens her mouth to speak but the words aren't making noise and she comes with me. I have to get to this warehouse.

…

…

I don't know how to argue with him. Do I just leap out of the window or door of a moving vehicle? Do I take a train and go to Hatsukaichi by myself…wait, did Kuon contact him first? Is that how Father knows? I'm about to ask him what he knows when I hear the sound of police sirens. Are we too late?

"Kuon," I choke out without meaning to and Father looks at me, his eyes widening. I shake as finally he stops and I see the warehouse. We both jump out of the car together and Father dashes in before me. I manage to use my speed to catch up with him but Father is faster. It's when we spot the body lying limp on the ground with blood beside him that the worry soars. I see Father's face as he looks at him and he speeds up, sprinting over to Kuon.

I can't believe that he's here, that we found him.

"Kuon," I whisper as I come closer to him and he's shivering whilst looking so broken and nervous. He's different than he was before this all happened, significantly different. I place my hand on his shoulder as I see the damage from the scalping, the torture methods. "Sweetheart?" I ask him and he looks at me before getting up slowly, it's as if he can't quite manage it. I look at him and he throws his arms around me whilst shaking as if he's a frightened child.

I would have never thought I'd see this man in this way.

"Kuon?" Father asks as he touches Kuon's back and tries to help him. Father looks at his head and I stare at him. Father can't cry. I shake my head, we both need to be strong for Kuon because we don't know what he has had to suffer through.

I pull a hat out of my pocket that I had stuffed there before we left just in case. As I hold to his shivering body, I gently put it over his head and hug him. He clutches to me nervously. I mean, everyone has a breaking point but I never thought that my husband would react in this manner. Something has really scarred him so much that it's changed in him.

"We'll figure things out," I tell him. I hope that that will help him but I'm not sure if anything will help him. "We need a medic over here!" I yell out desperately before finding Kuon to become limp in my hold. Father touches his back nervously and I hold him to me until the medics come over. Hopefully all of this hasn't caused problems for my pregnancy.

…..

…..

I blink up, the light is bright again and it hurts my eyes. I hear a beeping and pull the sheets closer to me…wait, sheets? Where the hell am I right now? I take a deep breath in and then slow down my breathing. Sheets. White. Familiar beeping sound that you might hear from movies. It feels soft instead of cold. I press my hand down and spread my fingers out over the bed that I'm lying on.

I take a look to one side and see the IV that I'm attached to as well as a heart monitor. Taking a look to the other side, I see…Kyoko? I'm out of there? Somehow I'm safe…how did I get safe?

I reach for her slowly and she opens her eyes immediately, she's been crying. "He-He-Heyy" I find myself to stutter. I feel nervous but I've never spoken in this way around her. I've always been strong. Even in the Dark Moon car scene I spoke more clearly. I look around to see flowers, cards, how long have I been…have I…

"Hey," Kyoko tells me as she places a hand on my chest, "How are you feeling? You've been in and out for a few days," she says and I take her hand. I feel delirious, groggy, nauseous…I guess that's all to be expected. I look at her and squeeze her hand before my eyes catch on something that causes me anxiety and before I know it, I'm hyperventilating.

There's a teddy bear holding a balloon that says, 'Get Well Soon' and I look at it, it's the only thing drawing my attention and I want it gone. I feel Kyoko wrap her arms around me and I can't help the fear that is coursing through my body.

"Corn, what is it?" she asks nervously, "Corn, what's wrong? What's happening? I'll call the nurse in," she reaches for the button and I grab her. I feel that I'm clutching her too hard. I'm scared that by holding her so tight, I might hurt her but something inside of me can't help it.

The bear. They know that I'm here. They know that I escaped and they are sending me a message. They've already had me in their holds once. This is a warning message. I feel my body continuing to shake and Kyoko hits the button. I guess I'm scaring her acting this way but maybe…oh my god, is she safe? Is Haruto safe?

As the doctors come in, they pull me off of her and one nurse is staring at the marks on her where I grabbed her. Oh god. I'm hurting my wife now.

"Put him on another sedative," the doctor says and I look at them. Why are they getting closer to me? The drugs, oh god, they want to drug me and no…they're only doing it because of the bear. I feel them grab my arm and turn my head to the pillow. "Ple-Plea—Ple" I choke and hear Kyoko pull away from the nurse examining her. She seems to move at a record pace as she holds them back from me.

"He doesn't want it," she says and I know that her eyes are narrowing. She's giving them the familiar warning that she's given to people like Fuwa. "It's okay. I've got this, he's _my_ husband. Can't you tell that he's traumatized by what he's been through."

A doctor approaches her and I stare at the way she's standing. I hate that my body is reacting in this way. "Hizuri-san, if he's been hurting you -"

"Why don't you mind your god damn business?" she hisses out at them and it's almost as if there's a dark aura or energy. "He would never intentionally hurt me, _never_. You told me last time that you were getting a psychiatrist here. Why don't you do that instead of interfering?"

She takes a step back before sitting down and as the doctors leave she turns back to me. "I'm sorry," she apologizes and I stare at her. My strange and out of character behavior is causing this. I want to reach for her but the bear is still there.

The bear will always be watching me.

…

…

I'm so happy that he's back, that he's alive but he's been acting like a different person. The doctors have said that he's still in shock, that he's been drugged for about a week. Of course he's traumatized and the earlier that they can do an evaluation on him the better. The doctors have said that the burns are deep and though the cuts and bruises will heal over time, when he's better he'll have to have some skin grafts and plastic surgery. It doesn't matter to me. It's not his body that I love most, it's the way that he's Corn, he's always been Corn.

He reaches for me, his voice shaking. He's so different. They broke him so badly. I try to comfort him and he squeezes my hand. I'm so lucky to be with him, to have stopped them, had them arrested before they really did kill him.

He looks around but then he stares at something and he starts breathing faster and it reaches a scary pace. He's having a panic attack. They said that this was normal but I have no idea what triggered it. I instinctively throw my arms around him. He's not acting like himself but they told me to expect that. He's terrified by something but again I have no idea what's triggering it.

"Corn," I whisper as he can't seem to slow down by himself. "What is it? Corn, what's wrong?" I look at him with my body shaking inside. I feel as if I've been demoted to just his kohai again, just a junior actor to the godly Tsuruga-san. "What's happening?" I ask before I reach for the call button. "I'll call the nurse in."

I feel as if he's holding me too hard as he struggles to calm down. It's too much pressure but he's been through far more than this pressure. It's an endurance and I can take it.

I feel the doctors pull him away from me and I'm more worried about him than I am for myself. He's still so broken and I want to do anything in my power to fix him.

"Put him on another sedative," the doctor says and I freeze. No, this isn't why I want them here. This wasn't why I wanted them to come. I'm not scared about getting hurt but he's being haunted by something. I know Kuon better than anyone. This scared and distraught man, this isn't him.

I'm shocked to see the doctor holding Kuon's arm, checking for a vein and he's whimpering into a pillow. They don't understand. They don't understand that he has never acted like this before. I have to stop them. I rip myself away from the nurse examining me before forcing the doctor away from Kuon. I feel like I should be more respectful of them but they need to show Kuon more respect.

"He doesn't want it," I tell them feeling my anger being misdirected. "It's okay. I've got this," I try to tell them. They don't understand the situation. They don't understand what he's been through. _I_ don't understand what he's been through.

"He's _my_ husband," I tell them possessively, "Can't you tell that he's traumatized by what he's been through?"

I won't let them touch him. Even if I put myself at risk, no one gets to touch him anymore.

"Hizuri-san, if he's been hurting you -" the doctor starts and I feel the grudges grow inside of me.

"Why don't you mind your god damn business?" I hiss. I don't want the tears to rush forwards. There's a dark aura within me, a black energy. "He would never intentionally hurt me, _never_ ," they're total idiots if they think that. "You told me last time that you were getting a psychiatrist here. Why don't you do that instead of interfering?" I ask.

I know that they are just doing their job but I have to make Kuon one of my top priorities right now. I have no idea what has triggered this fear and I hope it's not anything that I have done. He needs therapy, that's what he needs the most, therapy and a psych evaluation.

 **End of Chapter Six**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

 **Thank you to those who reviewed Chapter Five**

H-Nala, Kaname671, paulagato

 **Before anyone mentions it, Kuon is** **purposefully** **out of character.**


	8. Chapter 7 - Fear of Teddy Bears

**AN:** Due to my own depression, I really wanted to update this fic. I hope that if you do read it you enjoy reading it and thank you for your support.

 **Chapter Seven – Fear of Teddy Bears**

"What's wrong with him?" I ask the doctor as I smile at Father and Julie-san as they enter Kuon's room, this gives me a chance to discuss his health with them watching over him. The way that Kuon has been acting is very understandable, I might have fared worse than he did were I in his position, but it's not him. He's never acted in this way before.

Okay, so he's never been taken and held against his will by some American crime gang either, not that he's told me about, but I'm worried about him. I'm worried about how he might change because of what they put him through and the panic attack earlier, the hyperventilating, that wasn't him either. "What have the tests shown?"

"There was something in that room that frightened him," the doctor tells me and I take a deep breath in so that I don't start to call him an idiot. Of course something in that room triggered the panic attack, panic attacks aren't normal but if I'm going to stand any chance of helping my husband, I need to know every single detail about what he's going through.

"Yes," I nod, "That was my thought but I don't know what it was, maybe the light or maybe…"

"The police told me something about the warehouse that Kuo-" I feel myself shiver at that, the doctor puts his hand on my shoulder. "Hizuri-san?" he asks and I take measured breaths to calm myself.

I wipe away the tears on my cheeks before nodding and raising my head to look at him. "I'm okay. I'm going to be okay, what did they find?" I ask and the doctor nervously turns.

"They said that there were videos of his torture made in quite a…unique fashion. This is confidential information that I haven't even shared with my team," he tells me and I look at him nervously. What is he talking about? "I think that this," he opens his hand to see one of the get well soon gifts that Kuon was sent, a cute little teddy bear, "triggered Kuon's terror."

I reach out for it, turning it in my hand. A bear? Kuon was scared by a toy bear?

"It's a teddy bear," I whisper trying to make sense out of this. Out of all the irrational fears that exist, this bear is now one that Kuon finds so intimidating. He can't…Kuon can't be seriously afraid of this bear. "It's just…how could…"

"Trust me," the doctor tells me and I stare at the toy in my hand, I want to ask him about it. I want to make sure that the doctor isn't trying to trick me or pull a joke on me. I shake my head before going back in the room.

"Kuon," I speak softly before I see him staring wide-eyed at the bear as if it's real and about to rip his fae off. He starts panicking and Julie's eyes widen in pain at seeing Kuon like this. Kuu manages to restrain him, holding him from behind and whispering that everything was okay and that he was sorry that Kuon had to go through any of this.

I look at the teddy bear. I'm sorry, Maria-chan. It's incredibly thoughtful of you but I can't have it here. I look at Kuon and throw the bear out the window, I see him calm down and fall back into Kuu's arms. I'm so stupid. I should have just trusted the doctor. Is this something that Kuon will always continue to be scared of? How do I help my husband who I love so so much overcome his fear of teddy bears.

…

…

I'm not sure what has happened but at least I have Kuon in my arms now, he's safe with me…hopefully. I don't know, I seemed to be the major reason he was taken in the first place. Maybe I'm just bad luck for my son. I help him get down in the bed and I look at Kyoko hoping for an explanation. She gestures for me to go with her out to the hallway and I look back at Julienna as she rubs Kuon's arm and helps him to keep calm.

Once we're outside I look at Kyoko. It shouldn't be surprising that I want an explanation for what just happened in that hospital room.

"He's scared of teddy bears," she tells me and it takes a couple of seconds for me to digest that information. I bow my head as I remember that there were three bears sitting in chairs when we got there. The bears must have been taken into evide-that's where the videos were recorded. Each painful moment and the bears were facing him. Those sons of - "Father, he needs some psychological help but please, no teddy bears."

"Because of the nanny cams," I tell her and it looks as if that idea has just registered to her. She nods and I bow my head, "Kyoko, if I wasn't so worried about him, I would have told you. I promise that I would have. I was scar-"

"I wouldn't have told you either," she tells me and I know that we can both understand what the other is saying. We know how much Kuon means to both of us and so we just want his safety. Still, a fear of teddy bears isn't something that the media would be able to explain in a no-nonsense type of way.

"Is it just teddy bears or is it any stuffed animal?" I ask. I know that with Haruto so young and the two of them expecting their second child in a number of months, soft toys will be everywhere. If he's afraid of all of them, being a father is like being in a living hell. That's the world that they created for him. Kyoko shakes her head, she doesn't know either. All I know is that there is a get well soon dog that his manager sent him and I hope that he isn't having problems to that either. I go inside and see how peaceful he is.

I hate myself for doing this, just experimenting on him but I take the dog and walk over to him, hopefully I won't push him into the deep end, "Kuon, did you see this?" I ask and Julie stares at me. I know, Jules, I know that I'm acting strange.

"It's cute," Kuon says nervously as he takes it in his hand and looks up at me, showing me his pain and weakness, "Wh-Who?"

"This is from Yukihito-san," I tell him and he smiles at the dog, he turns it in his hands with some memory running through his head but I'm not sure what it is and I'm also not sure if this is the moment to ask that. "A lot of people really do care about you," I try to remind him. As I look at him and see the damage that has been inflicted to his body, I wish I was a better father to him. I should have been a better father to him.

"They…wouldn't…wa-want to see.." he struggles to say and Kyoko shakes her head firmly.

"Any one of our friends and family would want to see you, no matter what you've been through or what damage has been done to your body," she tells him passionately and he looks at her nervously. She nods, "Haruto wants to see you as well. He misses his daddy."

"Ya—Yashiro," Kuon says and Kyoko nods.

"I'll call him right now if you'd like," she tells him and Kuon nods. Kyoko steps out of the hallway and I turn to the window, I look down at the bear which has fallen into a tree. Of all the things to be afraid of and Kuon seems terrified of a teddy bear.

Julie glances at me before turning her attention to Kuon again. "If there is anything that you need, darling," she whispers as her fingers brush against his cheek. I know that the police say that they arrested the people responsible for this but I think that they deserve a worse punishment than life in prison and how do we know that's _all_ of them. How do we know something like this won't happen with worse consequences.

I sigh as I look back at Kuon. At least he's alive and with us. At least he's alive.

…

…

I wake up as I hear the door to my hospital room open. I'm not sure when I fell asleep but I still don't feel right. It's as if all of my fears and anxieties are ripping against my chest. I don't know how to act anymore because logic doesn't control me, these heightened emotions are controlling me. I look towards the door and see my best friend and former manager there. He looks at me as if he's seeing a ghost, well I _was_ reported dead.

"Hey," I speak weakly as we make eye contact, "Guess I don't look much like an actor."

"What did they do to you?" Yashiro asks horrified and I feel myself withdraw even more, does it look that bad? Am I _that_ hideous?

"Kuon went through some things," Kyoko tells him, "but we're hoping for a safe and speedy recovery," she gives Yashiro a warning shot and he nods though he still looks at her extremely seriously. I guess this isn't the sort of thing that anyone knows how to deal with.

"Kyoko told me that in a couple of weeks the doctors will release you," he says and I nod, "that's good right. It'll be nice to be at home."

"You don't want to loo-look at me," I comment and his eyes widen, he shakes his head but I know that I'm right. I've been scalped, burned, beaten, electrocuted, nearly died from hyperthermia, whipped, anything that you could possibly imagine. They did everything they could think of and then reanimated me as if I was a test subject, not to mention the psychological damage.

"It's not that I don't want to look at you," Yashiro tells me before freezing. "Kuon, I consider us like brothers, you know that. I feel that I should have done something, found you, I shouldn't have just accepted that you were dead."

"You coul-couldn't have helped me," I tell him and Yashiro bows his head, he knows that that is true. "It was…stu-stupidity that sa-saved me."

"You mean that you think that they left a phone there by accident," he asks me and I nod. There were multiple people there, they had to have just forgotten it in their jacket. I mean, with the state I was in, nobody even thought that I could crawl. They really did talk to one another as if I was immobilized and didn't hold a threat to them and there was one of them who was a bit clumsy, it was his phone that I used.

"You mean," Kyoko looks at him concerned, "That you don't believe it was an accident?"

"What I believe or don't believe isn't the point," Yashiro tells her and then puts a hand on the bak of the hospital bed. "What matters is that Kuon is alive and that we have a chance to keep him alive. Now, what have the doctors said?"

"PTSD, they think," I try to explain to him and he nods without much of a reaction on his face.

"I thought that, has there been any type of psychiatrist in here?" he asks as he takes off his glasses and places a hand over his eyes as if he's dealing with some major stressors. Kyoko walks towards me and takes my hand in hers.

"They're getting a psychiatrist in," she nods and I feel as if I'm some strange space alien. I haven't dealt with my mental or psychological health in a while, what if I'm to lose my friends and family when they find out how screwed I really have become.

 **End of Chapter Seven**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

 **Thank you reviewers of Chapter Six**

Brennakai, H-Nala, Kaname671, paulagato

 **Author Reponse:**

It will become clearer as the fic progresses what happened that ended/increases Kuon's suffering as well as how Lory got hold of the information. The videos definitely play into it as they serve of constant reminders and also of knowing that he caused his loved ones pain. He will recover but it'll be a slow course of events. Again thank you for the support.


	9. Chapter 8 - Tranquil

**AN:** Hope you enjoy this chapter 😊

 **Chapter Eight – Tranquil**

I still can't get used to this hospital bed. This is my third day here and I feel that I am still too ill to even stand up. Every time I breathe I can feel that jolt across my chest and that's nothing compared to seeing the damage done to my scalp. I can't believe it took begging my wife for them to completely shave my head. They hadn't wanted to touch it because they were scared of infecting the area but then said that it might be better if it was clean.

Like hell, I don't care about my hair right now. There are wigs that Ten has. I just don't want to be near people and I hate that. I've been around people my entire life. My parents were both famous when I was a baby and although they tried to keep me from the media as much as they could, they couldn't protect me forever.

I should be used to being in a crowd of people but now I'm scared even looking at this doctor. Wait, did he just ask me something? I saw his mouth move but I didn't hear the words. I feel scared to tell him that I wasn't listening but that doesn't make sense. I'm supposed to be able to tell this guy anything.

"Hizuri-san?" the psychiatrist asks me and I blink to wake myself up, I look at him and then nod slowly. "Where did you go just now?" he asks me and I look away. I don't know where they are taking me. No. Kyoko should be here. I don't want to do this without Kyoko here. "There's no wrong answers."

"You're not real," I tell him and he pauses, blinking hard and I guess he's trying to take back that he said there were no wrong answers.

"Why do you say that?" he asks me and I freeze.

I can't give proof that all of this is happening but I also can't give proof that it isn't. I just feel that I'm stuck in that room again and this is all my subconscious. I haven't been able to see my son yet. I want to see Haruto but I'm scared of hurting him. I know that's what everyone else is thinking despite not saying so, they think that I'm going to put Haruto in a dangerous position.

"I'm still there," I whisper. I must look like a mess. "I'm still in that room. This is. They've given me a lobotomy or something, this isn't real," I start to panic. "I need it to stop. I want it to stop. I…" I start to panic and the doctor nods, putting his notepad down.

"Let's take a break," he says and I nod whilst wrapping my arms around myself. He walks over to the side of the room and gets a glass of water. "Here," he tells me and I look at it. Why is he giving me this? Who is he? Is he real? No. No, he can't be real. This isn't real. This is still their room. This is still Kuon Hizuri's personal experience of the SAW franchise.

The water must be poisoned or laced with drugs. There has to be a problem with it.

As he holds it out, I smack his hand causing the cup to fall onto the floor and there is water everywhere. I'm not drinking it because it's poisonous. It's going to kill me. This man wants to kill me. He wants to kill me and then kill everyone important to me. I see him press a button and then I see a nurse come in along with some doctors.

They're holding me again. They're going to sedate me. I know that they are going to drug me and then it'll be more torture and it'll just continue on and on and I'll never be able to break free from it. I soon find myself in the blackness again. I always hate the darkness.

…

…

I can't sleep. My son has been found alive and the people who have hurt him so badly have been apprehended but I don't know how much I can trust the world any longer. I had always felt that if you were a good person then you would be safe and maybe that philosophy holds up. These are people who had such a grudge, they followed Kuon to a different continent to take their revenge.

Then why didn't they kill him? If these people wanted revenge on him so badly then they could have killed him, cut up his body, sent those - wow, this is sick, I am a disgusting immoral person who is the reason why my son is in this place. Even if you say that I have nothing to do with it, I'm Kuon's _father_. It's my duty to protect him.

"Shuuhei," Boss says to me as he looks at me with a troubled expression. I nod but I'm barely registering anything that's happening. "Shuuhei, if I could have stopped it sooner then I would-" I pause as I repeat that in my head and I agree. That's one of the questions that I'm having a hard time figuring out the answer to. How did Boss know where to send the men? If it wasn't for him this might have been a foolish errand.

"How did you know?" I ask him trying to maintain my calm nature. I don't want to get angry about this but Boss was acting as if he was dead. Surely, if he had known then Boss would have at least told me about this. He gave me regular updates ever since Kuon came to America. Maybe the phone lines weren't so secure on…I pause before looking down. "Of course, you knew."

"I have teams in place in places you can't even begin to imagine," Boss tells me and this is another time when I'm wondering how far being president of the agency crosses into his recreational activities. Boss has as many connections as a Yakuza leader and if I hadn't known him since my own youth, I would be afraid of him. Boss managed to see my want to act and he encouraged it. At first he may have been the _only_ person who encouraged it.

"Did you know that they scalped him?" I ask and Boss nervously shifts.

"It was at that time I sent one of my own men in," Boss tells me and I feel so disturbed and sickened by all of this. Whilst my own son was being tortured, Boss has been sitting around and drinking tea and watching how it all plays out. This isn't some kind of chess game. This is my son's life! "I wanted to give him as much help as possible, I was worried that I would be too late."

"How do you know that you're not?" I ask, not able to keep full control over the words that I'm using. I sigh and shake my head. It's not worth it to be angry. As we finally get back to Kuon's hospital room, I see a doctor leaving with the psychiatrist, another doctor, and a couple of nurses. Did something happen!? They _knew_ that I was here, they should have contacted me!

"What's going on?" I ask the doctor who is in charge of treating Kuon. I want to follow back with Boss and find out what he means by that he knew what Kuon was going through and he sent a man in but that can wait, it is the scary and unforgiveable past but right now Kuon needs me. I know that I look desperate and I can feel the sweat on my forehead but I want to know what is wrong with my little boy.

"He was acting out and so we had to sedate him," the doctor tells me and I stand there with a shocked expression.

"He was about to hurt somebody?" I ask and the doctor shakes his head, "hurt himself?" I continue and the doctor shakes his head, "so he lost control somehow, became another person? This was something that needed him to be drugged, right?"

I know that I don't have a medical degree and honestly, the way that they are all looking at me is as if they are repeating the same thing to me. I don't have a medical degree. What they don't see is that I'm a desperate father whose son just came back from the dead.

"We believed that restraining him was our best option," the doctor tells me and I look down.

I feel my breath painfully rise and fall in my chest before looking at the doctor, my face is free from anger or fear and I want to keep a gentleman's smile there. "Is there any other way in which my son could be treated rather than you to continually drug him. I mean, you're doctors aren't you? Being forced to sleep only works so many times before there's brain damage, right?"

"I think that it's best for him to be calm and resting," the doctor tells me and I look at him before turning to Boss who is staring quite intently at the doctor.

"Thank you for all the help that you're giving my son," I say despite wanting to yell at him for doing the exact opposite, for not giving Kuon the help that he needs. "But please contact me in the future, me or his wife, we would rather that we handle the situation with him ourselves rather than any more drugs in his system. If we or my wife can't be reached then do whatever you feel is best."

The doctor nods though he eyes me suspiciously. Did I really just fool him with my acting?

…

…

I smile at Haruto as I clean up in his nursery. I love our baby boy and I'm glad that I have the confidence to be his mother again. I feel that that's asking for a lot, someone should never forget their role as a mother. However, as I put things back I notice his toys and I pick up a medium-sized white bear. We got this at a work event where Haruto was able to come. I dared Kuon that I could get a greater number of rings on the bottles but he had beat me – well, he had beat me when I told him not to go easy on me – and this bear was the prize that Haruto had loved immediately.

This bear might not be able to belong in this house anymore or it might have to be hidden from sight. It has such good memories attached to it but I don't want for Kuon to go through any flashbacks or pain. I frown. If it's in a box with other bears then he could freak out and have a panic attack, maybe that would push him over board.

I put the bear down before picking up a bear glove puppet. Kuon has used this bear when reading stories with Haruto and they love those stories but if this is going to cause Kuon to feel unsafe then it needs to be replaced. I take a deep breath before feeling the tears in my eyes. Who knew that a fear of teddy bears could rob somebody of so much. Is this the point though, to always be a reminder of what he has been through.

I hear Haruto move in his sleep and I stand up to look at him. "I'm sorry, my little prince," I apologize. "We'll just have to hide the bears away from Daddy until he feels better. I'm sorry but they won't go away forever." At least she really hoped that they weren't. Hopefully Kuon would get better and then he could hold Haruto again. That wasn't asking too much, was it?

 **End of Chapter Eight**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

 **Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Seven**

Kaname671, PaulaGaTo

 **Author Response**

Hope you guys continue the twists and yes, the fact that it's teddy bears is meant to be funny but also painful because the media finds it funny and it's so simple but so haunting. 😉


	10. Chapter 9 - Stopped

**Chapter Nine - Stopped**

I feel a strange unease as I stand at the front desk at the hospital. It's not that I feel uneasy which is the problem, I've felt nervous before but this type of nervousness and anxiety just doesn't feel right. I take a deep breath in before looking at the receptionist again. "I don't care what the doctor thinks," I tell her and I feel I'm being unnecessarily mean to her. "I want to see my son _today_."

"I don't think that's wise," the receptionist tells me and I'm ready to yell and cause a scene. They don't want that, especially from someone like me who is unlikely to go ignored. This is my kid that they are keeping me from. Don't they understand how much I prioritize my family.

"Well, I don't think your attitude is especially wise," I tell her and the woman rolls her eyes.

"The doctor recommends…" the receptionist tells me and I look at her.

I hate saying these words but I feel backed into a corner, "Don't you know who I am?" I ask as I push my palms onto the counter. "Unless you want word spread about the useless job that you're doing then you'll let me see my son. Unless Kuon himself tells me that he doesn't want to see me, I'm going in."

"Are you trying to threaten me?" the receptionist asks and I look at her coldly.

"I am _trying_ to see my kid," I tell her before walking off. I don't care if I need to knock a security guy unconscious, I am going to see my son. The way the hospital is acting about the subject of Kuon does give me pause but it's only for a moment. Please don't tell me that something happened to him.

As I make my way towards his bedroom, I notice that there is a doctor in there already but not one I know. I haven't been introduced to this man and that makes me cautious. I don't want anyone unknown touching him. "Hello," I try to say in a neutral tone before holding my hand out. He ignores me and taps a syringe. "What is that you have there?" I ask before looking up and my eyes widen at how Kuon seems frozen with fear.

"No…" Kuon whispers as he sits there as if his body has trouble moving, "No. They're coming. They're here. They came here."

I eye the doctor and then see that Kuon's pupils are dilated and I see the mark on his arm where he has been poked by a needle. Something funny is going on and as the doctor picks up the syringe to inject it into my little boy's skin, I smack his arm away and the syringe falls to the ground.

I glare at him sharply, "Who are you? What are you doing here?" I ask. The man ignores me and reaches for the syringe but I put my foot over it. I see a spark of madness in his eyes and then realize that the badge he's wearing has a photo on it and that photo is not of him. I crush the syringe under my shoe. I don't care if I ruin my foot ware, what the hell is this man doing and what is he doing to Kuon?

"You idiot!" the man glares at me, "Don't you know how expensive that was? Don't you know what they're going to do to me?" he asks and then tries to hit me. I grab his wrist and throw him against the wall so that he hits his back before my eyes narrow. Maybe Kuon is better at fighting and martial arts than I am but I'm not completely unskilled myself.

I walk over to him and kick him in the ribs before slamming on the call button. I hold him to the wall with my foot before looking back at Kuon. I want to hold him but I don't want this creep to get away. He needs to be questioned by the police. I look at him closely and see that he has a pin on his coat of a teddy bear. This man needs to be eliminated.

…..

…..

So, they are telling me once again that I shouldn't be able to see my husband. I don't know who they think I am but one of the first things that Ren Tsuruga said about me in a positive way was that I had guts. I had guts to do whatever I needed to do. I want to prove that I'm not going to let them keep me from him, especially given the state he's in.

My eyes narrow and I'm about to speak when I hear someone say his room number over their radio. To hell with trying to plead my case. I try to run off but the nurse grabs me and I look at him. I don't care if he's medical staff and that this is a hospital. I try to struggle away but his grip tightens. I guess I have no choice. I turn my body to face him before throwing a punch into his face.

I hear the way my knuckles hit his nose and he lets go of me, staggering back a little. At least I didn't knee him in the groin, he should feel thankful for that. I glare at him again, "Never stop me from seeing my husband," I threaten before running to his hospital room.

As I get in, I see him shaking with a doctor next to him and then I see Father, his eyes are wide and aren't leaving Kuon but his foot is on another doctor, pinning him to the ground. What happened here? I shake my head. Father and whatever he's doing isn't important right now. What is important is that Kuon gets help.

I see Kuon flop down in the bed and the shaking becomes worse. I run to him but a nurse holds me back.

"Just let the doctor work," she tells me and I don't know whether to punch her in the face as well. It seems that Father and I are both reacting violently to things today. I see the doctor slip something into Kuon's mouth, some cotton or something and then I hear words which make me feel helpless.

"Patient is experiencing a seizure."

After that, the words that he's saying aren't making sense. I just watch helplessly as Father stares at him in shock as he grows paler but his foot starts twisting against the guy that he's got pinned to the wall. I don't know what's going on but for a moment, I can't breathe as I hear them say the next words.

"We're losing him. Patient is coding."

Wait? What did they say? I hear the guy grunt as Kuu is about to really kill him but that doesn't matter right now. Coding? Did they say…

I hear the flat line of the heart monitor and my eyes widen. He was getting better. He was pulling through all of this. His health was improving. I sink down on my knees as I hear the doctors speak and it's as if I'm living in a nightmare.

"Call it," one of the nurses says and the doctor takes a deep breath.

"Time of death, eight thirty," they start to leave the room and I feel my sobs grow heavy. I put a hand to my chest as I struggle to breathe. What did they just say? Time of…what? I take shaky breaths and look at Kuon's still body before hearing a police officer enter the room but I know that Father is debating whether to kill the asshole that he's got pinned down or hand him over to the police.

Did that man kill my husband? I stare at him and then stand up, my legs are shaking and I walk forwards like a baby deer before taking Father's hand. "Kuon wouldn't want you to go to prison," I whisper quietly. I don't care what happens to this other man but I know that Kuon would feel pained to hear that Kuu has been locked away for murdering someone on his account.

Father turns to me and nods before allowing the police to take the man away. He looks over at Kuon and his mouth opens and closes a few times.

"I'm sorry," he whispers as he touches his chest, "I am so sorry," he tells him as tears slip down his cheeks. "I wasn't there for you again."

I try to see through the tears and try to push through the pain but there's too much pain. I see Father sink down next to Kuon and take the corpse in his arms. I know that this is the way that Father wants to hold his son, the man he will always see as his little boy, his child but my eyes catch onto something different. The heart monitor isn't attached to Kuon's body. Without saying anything, I direct Father away from Kuon and connect Kuon's body to the heart monitor before hearing beeping.

Why would they want us to think that he was dead? Father looks between us, the same confusion and shock in his eyes. Why would the hospital do this to us?

….

….

Time of death? What are they talking about? I try to move but I can't. I try to speak but I can't. The only thing I can do is listen to that steady beat and hear the doctors talk about me as if I'm dead. I'm even finding it hard to move my eyes. Am I dead? I don't feel dead and with what I've gone through, I think I'd know what dead feels like.

I hear the pained sobs of my wife who believes that she's lost me. I want to hold her, tell her that I'm okay. I'm messed up psychologically but I'm alive at least physically but I can't move. My body is completely paralyzed down to my eyelids. I can't even look in another direction, just up.

Have they trapped me here? Am I actually dead but unable to reach my body? Is this what it's like to be a ghost?

I hear her speaking to Dad but my mind is trying to come to terms with the situation. I don't know what's going on and then I hear Dad approaching me. He has his palm stretched over my chest but the only reason I can see him is that he's standing right over me.

"I'm sorry," Dad tells me as tears slip down his cheeks and I want to stop him. I want to tell him not to worry and that I can hear him and see him. "I am so sorry I wasn't there for you again," he tells me and I hate that he's blaming himself for this.

I want to argue with him, persuade him that things are okay but I can't move. I'm trapped and as I hear the heart monitor, I wonder if I'm actually dead. I try to pinch myself but I can't even twitch my wrist let alone raise my hand. Dad pulls me into his arms just as when I was a kid and I can feel him but my body won't move.

I suddenly feel something on my arm and hear the heart monitor beeping again. So, does this mean that I'm alive? Why can't I move? Why am I unable to react?

Am I a…

"Why isn't he moving?" Dad says as he turns his attention away from me and it's only because of the way that he's right above me that I can see him do so. "Do you think that he's a….that he's catatonic?" he asks and I hate to think that. I have to move but I can't.

Am I a human vegetable?

 **End of Chapter Nine**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are very much appreciated**

 **Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Eight**

H-Nala, Kaname671, PaulaGaTo

 **Author Response**

More will be revealed but they wanted to keep Kuon silent at least for now 😉


	11. Chapter 10 - Stuck in Place

**AN:** A little short and uneventful but I do enjoy writing this fic so do plan to continue it.

 **Chapter Ten – Stuck in Position**

After all of the torture that I managed to endure, after all of those days when I felt that my mind wouldn't slow down and that it wasn't safe and that somehow I would have to make it safe, I find myself here. A vegetable. Unable to truly take care of myself. I want to make sure they know that I'm alive and that I'm aware of what is going on around me. I want to be able to raise my hand or just give them some idea that I am able to understand the words that they say.

"I could take him with me," Dad says and I wonder if their trying to decide who gets to take care of me or who _has_ to take care of me. I don't want to think too hard on that question. There's a lot of chance that it could be the second. "We can provide for him or I'm sure that Boss."

"I don't even want him with you," Kyoko argues before she gently smooths my hair and then gets a wet cloth, starting to dab at my mouth and chin and my cheeks. Please don't tell me that I'm drooling or anything like that. I would hate myself even more if I knew _that_. "I want to take care of him. He's my husband. I'm worried about the media though," Kyoko weakly sobs and puts her hand over mine. I can't even press my fingertips against hers.

"I think that Boss will have a good handle on the media," Dad tries to comfort her and its true, nobody can handle the news organizations like Lory Takarada. Still, I know that they hurt me physically. I am aware of how they left me as a survivor who endured torment but I'd rather it be over and I be dead than to have them put through this.

"Okay, well the first thing is to get him into the wheelchair," Kyoko says and steps away so that I can't see her any longer. She walks over to me with some kind of device and I try my best to struggle free. I need to move something. My lips, my fingers, my toes even. Just _something._

"Geh—" I freeze as I hear myself say that. What does that mean? Am I actually able to move my tongue? Is that normal?

Dad stands first and holds tight to my hand, squeezing it and looking at me in the way that a good father should. I try to focus again. They can't have left me with nothing. I try to put all my energy into one fingertip. I'll go from there. I manage to tap Dad's hand and he looks at me as if I've just done some divine magic trick.

"Are you…" Dad says slowly and Kyoko stands above me. She gently lets her hand go over my bandaged head. Kyoko turns to Dad and they both study my finger. Hopefully they know that I'm conscious.

"Corn," Kyoko asks slowly as she puts a hand to my shoulder. Her eyes widen as she looks to me, "Honey, are you…are you experiencing this?" she asks and I try to figure out how to respond. Moving my head takes too much energy and I see Kyoko look at Dad and then mouth something before turning back to me.

"Corn," she tells me nervously. "If you can hear and understand this, don't move your finger," she says carefully and I manage to get my body still without the finger moving. Kyoko pauses, "Okay, and if you can this time, move your finger." I focus enough and deliver enough energy throughout my body to move my finger. They turn to each other.

"At least we have some form of communication," Dad says weakly.

…..

…..

I don't really know what to say but my heart feels completely useless. Kuon is frozen and we're not sure how much he understands but it's obvious that he's listening by the way his finger is moving. I hate them for putting my son in this position. I'll slaughter the whole damn lot of them, acting career be damned. My acting career doesn't matter as much as my son matters. I just wish that I'd known that earlier.

I turn to Kyoko as I keep a hand on Kuon's upper arm. I don't think that this is what she's going to consider best but it's what I want and maybe I am truly selfish for wanting this. "I do want to take care of him," I tell her and Kyoko bites her top lip before shaking her head. We both know that Kuon needs someone due to the state that he's in but I feel that I'm stronger than her, more able.

"I want to help him," she tells me and I can see the passion and determination in her face. I hesitate before looking at my son. I am glad that we both know that he's not actually dead but he's stuck, paralyzed. I look down. "How about we do it together?" I ask her and she nods.

"He can come home, right? You can stay in the guest room," she attempts to persuade me and I nod. Yes. That would work out for both of us. I look to the wheelchair before placing my arms securely around his body, one sliding under his legs and the other around his back.

I just hope that he understands that we're there for him and that we want to do anything in our power to help him get better and recover. Kyoko brings over the wheelchair and I set him down in it. He can't position himself and it scares me. What did those monsters do to him?

The thoughts are filling my mind, what sort of things would he be saying were he actually to be fully conscious. What kind of problems would he have and would he blame me for this? Would he blame me for not taking care of him?

"Father," Kyoko finally says as she sees the distress I'm under but I'm sure that I look just like her. Horrified but ready to do anything to take care of Kuon. I hate what they left him as but at least he's alive.

"I wish I knew if he was comfortable or not," I tell her and Kyoko turns back to look at Kuon. He should be moving around freely by himself, he should be able to engage in conversation but neither of those options is open to him.

Kyoko puts a hand on Kuon's shoulder, looking at him longingly. "We're just going to have to hope he is until he's ready to communicate," she says and I nod. It feels like my duty as his father to take the best care of him but I'm separated from him once again.

Kyoko starts wheeling him out of the room and I follow behind her. I just wish that I trusted this hospital but I don't. Kuon has so much fear in his mind, he's been hurt so much psychologically but he's now unable to express that pain. I feel so useless. I just wish that I had been stronger and that none of this had ever happened to him.

…..

…..

I wish I knew that I was doing this properly. I'm sitting with Kuon and trying to take care of him but I still don't know whether I'm doing this properly. I'm attempting to give him something to drink but half the water has rolled out of his mouth and down his cheeks. Maybe a tube would be better, a feeding tube so I don't worry about making him suffer.

I know that he's suffering already. They did this to him. They put him in such a condition where he's unable to take care of himself but I feel that I am contributing to that pain. I don't want Rikuu to see him like this just yet and I'm happy that he gets to be taken care of by his grandparents whilst I focus on Kuon.

I freeze as he finally closes his eyelids. He doesn't have to have help doing that but my body freezes again. What if he doesn't have the energy to open them when he wakes up? What if he stays in this comatose state and I'm unable to take care of him.

I hear a knock on the door with the addition of the doorbell close behind and I squeeze his shoulder. "I'll be right back," I promise him. I hate to see him like this. I hate that he's unable to take care of himself when he's always been so strong and he's been the one to take care of me and shelter me when the darkness has seemed to be impossible to get out of.

I take another look at his body before going to the front door. He's been through so much pain and I don't want there to be any more. As I open the front door, I see a package sitting there which is big enough to put a desktop computer in including monitor. I sigh and feel it carefully, it's light. I listen to it hoping that it isn't a bomb, it's not ticking or making any sound.

I take a deep breath in, praying that this isn't a trap and as I open the box I see two teddy bears gazing up at me. I freeze. These teddy bears look like the ones that Kuon had to look at as he suffered. I turn around, hoping to find the source of the package. Was there somebody here? I stand up, my body shaking knowing that I never want for Kuon to see these items. I never want for him to experience any reminder of that pain.

I go to the kitchen and pull out a large chef's knife. Hopefully there isn't a bomb placed inside of one of these toys. I steady myself with another inhale and slash off the bears' heads and then start cutting up the body. There doesn't seem to be anything there aside from the bears, no recording equipment or dangerous explosives but just the reminder of pain is enough to bring back those feelings.

I'm happy that I am able to realize his fear and can toss these things away but it scares me that they know where we live. That they are still out there plotting and planning. That they still want to harm my husband and that they have not all been captured by the police.

I don't want anyone to ever touch him again. It's my duty as his wife to take care of him whenever I can. I rise slowly, looking back at our residence and I sigh. I walk over to Father who is carrying Rikuu in his arms. "Can you or Julie keep an eye on Kuon, there's something that I need to take to the trash."

Father nods and I feel relieved that I can at least know that Kuon is safe as I try to help him. Lifting the box, I take it to where the trash goes and freeze as I see someone standing there watching me. Not everyone is bad but this man is making me feel afraid. I shake my head. I need to focus on the good things in life and not become one who suspects everyone else of wrongdoing.

"Let me help you with that," he offers and I stare at him, my heart beating painfully in my chest.

"Why?" I ask scared for my own safety. This place seems dangerous now. I can't afford for anything to destroy my family.

 **End of Chapter Ten**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

 **Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Nine**

H-Nala, Kaname671, Paulagato


	12. Chapter 11 - Time For An Antidote

**AN:** Again another short chapter but I really am thankful for you continuing this

 **Chapter Eleven – Time For An Antidote**

"Why?" I ask as I stare at this man. I don't want to be afraid of strangers but the chance of this man being involved with those who hurt Kuon is too great. In fact, it would make me feel stupid if he wasn't. The man looks at me and then gestures to the box.

"Doesn't seem right to allow a beautiful woman to do all of the work," he comments and I take a step backward. I just want this box destroyed. I don't want anything to put Kuon through any kind of traumatic stress situation. He's been hurt too badly and he can't even defend himself. He is depending on his loved ones for everything and though I am happy to help him, I can't protect him alone.

"This beautiful woman has always been fine doing things by herself," I tell him. I dump the bears by the trash, believing that Haruto and Kuon are both safe. My in-laws are extremely protective of our family. Although Father still blames himself for this whole thing happening in the first place, I don't blame him for the cruelty other inflicted upon my husband. If Kuon were in better help then I might even think of moving to another country or entering into victim protection but he can't move. I don't know how to help him with his body paralyzed.

"You want the cure, don't you?" the man asks and I look at him. I want to send my anger at him, hurl every hateful emotion I have but those words have shown me that there is a cure. I want it for him but I'm scared of dying. I'm scared that I'll get killed in only a number of minutes or even seconds.

"The cure for Kuon?" I ask before crossing my arms. If there is a cure it would be better for a medical professional to find it rather than give this man any more of my time. I laugh bitterly, rolling my eyes. I don't trust him and I think I have very good reason to not trust him. "I'm not risking his life."

"You wouldn't be risking anyone's life," he says before putting a bottle in my hands and I look at it. There is no way that this item can do anything to cure Kuon, it would probably put him in a position where he appears dead but is actually alive and we're going to bury him alive whilst he's fully conscious of the experience. The only thing I really know is that we have to move. This location has been compromised.

I watch him leave before going into the house. I have to pack. We have to get out of here before they blow up the house with all of us in it. I have to make sure that my boys are okay. I take a shaky breath as I enter the house. Too much for a beautiful woman? Please. They know nothing about me. They don't know that I would go to the end of the world and beyond for the man I love. Pathetic.

I notice out the corner of my eye how Father stands up and approaches me. Julie has Haruto in her arms and has her hand resting on Kuon's body in an attempt to keep them both safe. I don't know how to explain this to him.

"Kyoko?" he asks quietly, trying not to worry anyone else despite the fact that it probably would be best for Kuon to be aware of what's been happening. "Are you okay? Did something happen out there?"

"We have to leave," I tell him as I turn to face him. I feel tears in my eyes and try to brush them away. "They came here. There has to be something that they were doing here. That's how they could deliver the box. They know where he is."

Kuu watches me and places a hand on my shoulder, he looks into my eyes in a very serious manner and I know he understands the gravity of the situation. We don't know if they put explosives in the car or around the house. We don't know the extent of what they are doing but Father seems to be looking out the window with a complicated expression on his face.

"I don't think they want to kill him," he says and I look at the bottle which is apparently a cure as they said, it seems like giving this to him would make his situation worse in my mind. "Think about it. If they kill him, it's over. Yes, they would have murdered him but the fact that they didn't murder him already makes me question whether they would do it now. They know he has trouble speaking and moving so it's not as if he cane reveal any information that they want to hold secret. No. They're playing with him. I would be more concerned about your own life."

"Because if anything happened to me it would devastate him?" I ask Father and he nods. I sigh. I don't want to die but somehow we have to stop this pain he's going through.

From the other room I hear a very weak voice, almost a whisper but it's like a lasso has been secured over my heart and it's pulling me towards it.

"'yoko"

…

…

It's very small and the pain is enormous and growing stronger but I'm able to speak, I'm able to say her name. I don't know whether she can hear me. I feel my fingers move but my arm is still stiff and the rest of my body I can't move at all. My eyes can move though but I can't lift my head so my view is still minimal. Mom looks to me and grabs my arm excitedly. I know that she's heard it. That means that she'll get Kyoko for -

I hear hurried footsteps and then look up to see Kyoko standing above me, Dad has followed after her. "Kuon," she says as she pushes my hair back. She looks into my eyes and kisses me. "Oh my gosh, sweetheart, I heard you," she says and I don't know how that is possible but I'm relieved that she somehow managed to.

"H—hhe—hey," I struggle to get out. I start to see some flashbacks of the torture that was inflicted upon me and soon my eyes have closed painfully. I feel Kyoko kneel beside me and she gently lets her hand rest on my forehead.

"It's okay," she attempts to assure me. "I'm here, my sweet Corn, I'm here and your parents are here. We'll take care of you. They won't hurt you again."

"Kill…" I whisper and Kyoko tries to steady her breathing.

"Kill who? Those assholes who did this to you?" Dad asks and Kyoko remains quiet. It has taken me a while to control my anger but at this point all I can see is my anger and my want to get revenge. I suppose that's something that Kyoko and I have in common. Dad has always been protective of me. It's something to be grateful for.

"Don't you dare tell us to kill you because we won't listen," Kyoko says and I try to shake my head but my body is still frozen as if I were shot with a comic book villains gun which was meant to freeze people.

"I…w-want…" I say stiffly, "to ki—"

"I know," Kyoko whispers to me and she kisses me again. She knows that sometimes I have a problem with my anger although it is a lot less frequent now that I'm an adult and a father. I would never ever hurt her or another loved one. I don't even want to show my true anger in front of her in case it upsets her. "I think that's what they want from you though," she tells me and I pause. My anger and rage and hatred is still burning strongly but I can understand what she's saying. They are waiting for me to break my code of ethics.

"Haru-" I begin and Kyoko nods.

"He's just fine. We're all going to be okay," Kyoko tells me but I'm not so certain that's something that she can promise me. Afterall, a truly heartless monster would try to attack me by hurting someone I truly love and care about.

…

…

As glad and relieved as I am to see Kuon moving around, something seems funny about all of this. It's true that Kuon doesn't seem to be in any danger right now, not until they have waited for him to be healthy again but Kyoko was given that strange antidote body at the same time Kuon's body seemed to recover on its own as if they are watching our every move.

I might not have the power to protect my family in the ways that they need protecting but it isn't going to keep me from trying. There is one person who does have that power though, a close family friend. Maybe Lory Takarada doesn't have all the answers but he might have the most important ones and that is how to make sure to get security to protect them.

I would die to protect this family. Maybe I might just need to do that. I failed my son more than once before, I am not going to risk failing him again.

 **End of Chapter Eleven**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**

Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Ten

Brennakai, H-Nala, Kaname671,PaulaGaTo


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